I headed out on my afternoon perambulation, as I am wont to do, but I got no more than 100 metres down the road before I was promptly rained on. Not being a ponce however, I bravely soldiered on. Also, it pretty much stopped after five minutes. What remained however were the soaked footpaths. For most people, this isn’t much of an issue. This is because most people are ponces, and wear sensible closed shoes when it’s raining due to some form of irrational fear of damp feet. I hate to think about what they do in the shower. Plastic bags and gaffer tape? Anyhoo, I choose to maintain my staunch support of the Thong. Ahh, so nice and free.. Just that small strip between my….
…
Sorry, I think you passed out there for a second. Not sure why, I was just talking about footwear. Anyhoo, the combination of my wonderful footwear and a damp footpath is usually nothing to be concerned about, except that the.. whoever it is.. council around here has decided to replace the good ol’ tarmac with these tiley things; nice, smooth, sleek, grey, very now. Very hip. Quite slick. If you’ve ever tried to walk on an ice rink… it’s not that bad. Essentially, I have nice smooth thongs (having worn then down nearly all the way through in some patches) and I’m walking on nice smooth wet footpath… I think you can see where I’m going with this. For the automotively minded of you, I’m essentially aquaplaning. This means that one must walk putting as little sideways force through one’s feet as possible, which isn’t all that easy. It’s all about momentum, which is fine until you have to stop or you come to a corner. Then one really looks like a complete tool. Then again, it must be said that anyone wandering about in the rain wearting inappropriate footwear and a giant pair of headphones probably looks like a complete tool anyway, so really.. who gives a toss. On the plus side, because they are closed ‘phones, I can’t hear what anyone is saying about me anyway, so even if I did care, I wouldn’t know. It’s wonderful. The other reasons to go with them rather than my little earbuds include not being able to hear traffic (extreme road crossing!), better sound quality, and not having to put up with a shitty little wire coated in super tenacious silicone stuff that grabs and pulls at everything it touches, and tangles itself so well that you’re most of the way through the hour long walk before you can actually use them.
The only plus side with this whole footpath skating scenario would be if I could actually skate that way but unfortunately, the sliding just isn’t predictable enough. On the plus side, if I fall over and injure myself due to my own negligence, I could probably sue the council people anyway. Except that I’m not a frivolous prick.