nastybun

Some excerpts from spEak You’re bRanes:

“And don’t forget, if you really want to get the best out of your terrorists, pinch them out to encourage bushing. Once they begin to flower, start feeding them with a formulated terrorist-feed. If you water them frequently and keep them free from slugs, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t continue to enjoy homegrown terrorists until September.”

This entire thread.

“Awww. If I’d known there was an Anti-Establishment Proletariat Pseudo-Marxists and Anarchists rally I’d have gone down. As it was I ended up at a Crypto-Communist Envirofacist Morris Dancing Festival. Heavy police presence as usual. BURN DOWN BABYLON.”

Go have a poke through, very amusing.

Recently I was pondering what it would take to make a lobster costume. Essentially, a case of ‘if I was a furry and I decided I was a lobster…’ I’d make a carapace and tail using a 44 gallon drum (the main floatation devices used by contenstants on Scrapheap Challenge) as a mould, creating it out of fibreglass and painting it appropriately. How hard could it be? The drum would be about long enough for the main carapace part, the tail would be segmented as per an actual lobster, the feelers would be moulded around some fishing rod poles (just the bare poles, no hardware attached.. ever made your own rod? You know what I mean), and the claws would be an arrangement of levers and servos. Simple. The only difficulty would be finding a surgeon to reverse my knees… they’d need to be reversed in order to make the tail work. Once that’s overcome, a few little air tanks installed the main carapace would be all it’d take to go for a dip. It could be excellent…

Also amusing for anyone who’s worked in IT support is this… get right to the end.

I reckon I’m one of the few people in this world who has a (little) subwoofer and leaves it turned down almost as far as it can go. Unless my downstairs nieghbours are playing their shite music at times when I’m not trying to sleep and I want to drown them out. Then it comes up a little from the stopper. Fuckers..

Still going to sell my car. It’s occasionally useful.. but cash is more useful. Also, I feel a return to cheap, povvo motoring coming on. I was watching the Top Gear Botswana special again yesterday, there was a time when I nearly bought myself a Lancia Beta Coupe. Maybe I should have, I coulda gone anywhere… as long as I had a mechanic and a film crew following me. I think it may have been brown though… I’ll not own any car that’s Korean, (no offence, I’ve met some loverly Koreans and their food, TVs, monitors and.. most other things that Samsung do apart from mobile phones are great, but… not cars yet. Although, the Samsung cars are just Renaults with a different badge, so they’re actually the pick.. where was I?..) brown, or a Holden. Not that I’m a Ford fan, but at least the other models are German, rather than rebadged Daewoos. Sports Volvos ftmfw.

Bulls run faster uphill than they do downhill because of the bone structure of their legs.

So if you find yourself in Pamplona, you know what to do. Dig a hole.

Mooch, one of our dogs back in Perth, was diagnosed with an inoperable lump pushing up on trachea/oesophagus and down on his heart last week. He was coughing a lot and not eating well.

He was euthanatised this afternoon.

RIP, Moochymans.

This is the most astoundingly brilliant thing since the invention of forever. Well, there may have been a couple of things.. maybe.. Anyway, watch and listen. It’s Radiohead’s Nude off the new album (not heard it, is it good?) played by very old and outdated hardware. More music should be made that way.

I’ma just put this here..

I used to have a uke.. it was cheap and it broke.

I finished my first block of 99% cocoa lindt chocolate this afternoon. I have another. I think it’s the first block of chocolate I’ve had that comes with a warning label. Seriously. There’s a label over the tray of it that says you should probably start with the 70% (not enough) then progress through the 85% (wonderful) stuff before having a crack at this one. You actually only get half the mass of it, segmented into smaller squares, as you do with the other two strengths, which is more a reflection of its intensity than any money grabbing on their part. It also says to break off a small peice and let it melt on your tongue, which is a good thing to do. You don’t want to go scarffing this stuff down, it’s not a pleasent experience. Best to eat it slowly, with a cup of coffee (also good with green tea), letting the flavours of your cup of choice mix in with the chocolate. I find myself with tea and choc on the tongue, mixing and matching together. It’s very enjoyable. It’s also good for you, as it turns out. There’s a website and everything, and if it’s on the internet, it must be true. Not that if it was terrible for me I’d avoid eating it, but it’s a good excuse.

It also turns out that beer is good for you. Think of all the goodness I’m consuming! Wonderful. My dad has a perscription for a glass of red wine every day, just because he knows the doctor that perscribed him, I’m sure it’s legitimate and serious… I wonder if I can get one for tea and chocolate.

We recently consumed some tasty tasty foods, I’ll give you the recipe here:

3 tortilla rounds (soft tacos, burritos.. like that)
16 cloves garlic
2 cups parmesan cheese, grated
2 cups mozzarella, grated

Basically, you roast the garlic in the oven until it’s all nice and soft, spread it on the totillas, add the cheese, lay them atop each other and oven the lot until the cheese is as cooked as you like it. I go for golden brown. We also added sauce (whatever Dolmio you prefer, slack and tasty) and salami chunks. Obviously any recipe that has 16 cloves of garlic in it is pure genius, but it’s one of those things that you can add whatever you like to. Think of it as layered pizza with thin bases. I think I prefer pizza like this… which means it’s probably good that I don’t want to test my crappy looking oven out. I’d eat these far too often… Comes from the 4 Ingredients recipe book, my mum sent it to me. Great book, but a quick flick through seems to have revealed that most of the recipes require trust in one’s oven or grill… maybe one day…

Ancient Romans ate flamingo tongues and considered them a delicacy.

Good with a nice dry white…

If this isn’t a pisstake, then it serves as the perfect lesson towards the need for a translation overseen by someone who speaks the eventual language properly, proper direction of the voice acting and voice actors who aren’t utter fucktards.

Ye gods… I could do better than that after an eleven hour drinking session…

Me/Myself/I theatre:

“… though that was before Spicks and Specks merged.”

“What? Merged?”

“Yea, it used to be two separate shows. You didn’t see them?”

“What? They were never..”

“Yea, sure they were. Spicks was this horribly racist show about immigrants, and Specks was all about cleaning products. Spicks was hilarious, all these segments about life in Australia for southern european immigrants running fish and chip shops , cafes and garages and all that. They had their fingers in everything really. At one point they were going to run something called Big Mumma, basically a bunch of people in a house run by an older Italian lady who would control everyone’s lives. It coulda been brilliant. Not really sure what happened to it, after a ton of spin offs it just kinda died in the arse. Who’da thunk that Myf would go from big-haired cafe regular to music loving team leader? Unfortunately, the term ‘spic‘ is more of an Hispanic slur than a wog slur, which lost a lot of viewers due to the etymological innacuracies. Specks was a little more serious, there’s not really a long way to go with cleaning products. It was a bit of a cult thing for a while, showing up in all sorts of places, but it went south pretty fast. Eventually the powers that be combined them into the obvious spin off.. a music trivia show. It’s very good now, you gotta hand it to them. I try and watch it every week.”

“What the hell are you on about?”

“:D”

The hyiod bone, in your throat, is the only bone in the body not attached to another bone.

Bet you can’t feel it… wrap your hands around your throat.. go on, press hard, it’s in there somewhere…

It’s been dark and overcast today, barely raining. Cars had their headlights on. I still wore my sunglasses. A conversation with myself follows.

“Why are you wearing sunglasses?”

“It makes the world seem darker, more oppresive, dark like my heart. It keeps people from seeing my eyes, seeing the tortured soul inside them. Keeps the anquish within, from spilling out into the world and bringing everyone down. It’s a sacrifice I make for the unwashed scum out there, though they don’t deserve it. No-one understands me. If my hair was longer, it’d be in front of my face.”

“… Are you taking the piss?”

“Yes.”

The nice thing about talking to yourself is that the responses are always timed right for comedic purposes, and always attuned to one’s own humouratic senses. Funny how many more people stare at you when you’re smiling for no obvious reason…

Apparently the price of butter has risen 700% in the last 4 years. This is bad, because it’s the reason why I couldn’t get some tasty, properly made pasta today. I shake my fist to express frustration!

There’s a bagel joint near my place. It’s called Bagel House. A bagel and cawfee lunch is possibly the greatest lunch I’ve had. If ever you’re in Rozelle (it might happen..) go there.

I thought there was more to put here.. oh well.